~A brief note~
Have you ever noticed how November changes us? People get three shades lighter, five times more irritable, and infinitely more tired. On top of it all, this month is also filled with memories of lost loved ones for my family. A year ago today, my amazing dad joined the ranks up in heaven. Just writing that sentence makes my head spin. All I intend to do with this post is to remember him and update you on where my family is at. Hopefully I can make some of you chuckle, give you a little bit of joy and maybe you'll cry along with me at the same time...so here it goes.
Time has always been a curious thing. When you want it to slow down, it clips forwards at an alarming rate. Sometimes, time can become distorted and you forget what day it is or how many months its been. That sensation and a fantastic array of feelings have brought us to the one year anniversary of my dad's death. As for me, time has proved that memories are the most interesting things of all. Good and bad, they have raced through my head and I'm sure you've experienced that as well. Whether it was a place that we had been or a glimpse of an old maroon Ford, I can remember such stories! Most of the time, the memories are so strong that they have the power to steal my breath away. In moments like those, I tell myself how its okay to cry. I remind myself that I can get through the pain because there is joy intertwined and I just have to find it again. My dad was such a strong man. If you can recall, he rarely complained about his situation. Even before his sickness, he was a "tough as nails" person. One story that I can share is about a very eventful day at work. For those of you who knew my dad, you can remember how busy he was! If you caught him without a project, you knew that wouldn't last for long.
One time, he was working on someone's house with a few other people and had been using a nail gun. My dad, being the prankster that he was decided it would be funny to pretend that he had shot himself with the nail gun. He would cry out and act like he had been hurt. Next thing you know, he'd bend over laughing. Well, pretty soon, the guys got tired of that little stunt and wouldn't you know, my dad actually did manage to shoot himself through his pointer and middle finger. Everyone was shocked that it had actually happened and my dad probably was too. He came home that day and said that he had just pulled out the nail and continued working. I will never forget how that finger was crooked from then on.
Another memory that I have is from when I was a little girl. My dad loved music and he did have quite a talent for drumming. One night when my mom was at work, he took out the record player and put in an old vinyl. He took me and my sister and the three of us danced around our basement. My sister and I were laughing so hard and we were all having so much fun. I can still see the smile on his face and the merriment in his eyes. I have many memories like that. I never knew what gave him the motivation to do those things but I am so grateful because they are filled with the purest joy imaginable.
Its so hard to realize that I won't get to dance with him at my wedding and I will never see him smile again. He was so witty and sharp. He had such a huge presence and it was almost impossible not to get sucked into whatever story he was sharing. At family functions, I can always think of how he would talk to almost everyone. He'd listen with his head cocked just slightly to the side and a hand in his pocket. You could tell that he truly cared about what they had to say. His heart was so big. Even from a young age, I knew that he would go to impressive lengths to help out those who needed him. His temper too, frightening as it could be, just made him who he was. At times it was hysterical because he had such road rage! He could come up with some impressive comments and could get my mom, sister and I laughing so hard we couldn't stop! Either that or we would duck down in embarrassment:) How can you thank someone for such simple moments? Why did he have to go? These and an assortment of other questions that have developed over the first year of my life without him. Ill pick up the phone on occasion to call him and I'll remember that I don't get to do that anymore. I think no matter how much time passes, I will forever feel his absence.
Despite such inner turmoil, life has continued to move forwards. Birthdays will be here, Sarah will be finishing up her junior year of high school and I will be never be a sophomore again:) I will be majoring in elementary education and minoring in art. I feel so happy with my decision and I know my dad is proud. My family has had such support through all of this as well. I cannot express how much you all have helped get us through. Each time we stumble, there is someone to send a text wishing us well. Each time we shut down, we get visits from people who have something that prompts us to start up again. The Katchmark's and my mom's friends from work have been especially helpful. Everyone has been so ready to assist in whatever needs doing. My friends have been so kind as well. I am so thankful and so blessed to have such phenomenal people surrounding us all.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone, give those you love a huge hug, realize that time is such a precious gift and please remember my dad today.